Ups, and my First Down

First, a quote from my mother.

"Berries are like God's little gift to us." -my mom, regarding the wonders of berries and how they can be so sweet, low sugar, low calorie, and high in vitamins/minerals/antioxidants, etc. They are really just awesome.

Next on the agenda, bad news. I failed yesterday. I went to a fancy grocery store with a friend of mine yesterday and purchased (and subsequently ate) a red velvet cupcake loaded with cream cheese icing. The resulting stomach ache was both from guilt and poor nutrition. Old habits are hard to break, but they MUST be broken. I also purchased some chocolates that are now hiding in my closet. I have had one. I felt the guilt of buying those, too, but since I did anyway and I hate wasting food, I'm hiding them for when I really need something sweet, and can budget it in my caloric intake for the day. They are a test for me. Today, I pass.

Now for good news!! 

The guilt of yesterday was rather empowering today, luckily. I woke up and exercised for the fourth consecutive morning, went to work, and cleaned and painted some floors. Yes. Active, enjoyable work (note:  not glamorous.) I went to the break room to get some water, when I noticed the two huge boxes of fresh Krispy Kremes. One of the contractors brings them in once a week, and I usually have one, wait till everyone else leaves, then have two more. While I was in the room, I wanted one more than anything else, but then I remembered. Probably by looking at my gut. I don't need the sugar, I only want it because it's free and in my face. I RESISTED!!

Success #2 for today. On my commute home, which lasts five minutes when traffic is bad, I contemplated my snack. I was hungry. I had been four hours since food touched my stomach, so it wasn't surprising I was hungry. I came home, downed a glass of water (I've been having about 10 a day, maybe more), then went to prep the snack. Strawberries, blueberries, raspberries. All of them fresh and so very sweet. I topped them, just for a touch of added decadence, with some fat free Redi Whip (which, by the way, is delicious and 2.5 cal/tbsp.) The snack was as yummy and filling as it was beautiful. I think I may repeat it tomorrow.

Exercising. I never, EVER thought I'd say this, but each morning, I honestly can't wait to do it, and when I come home from work each night, I want to exercise some more! Who am I? I've always been the lazy, pudgy (now technically obese) one. I ran up the stairs at work today! I am energetic, I am happy, I am better rested, I have a more reasonable sleeping schedule, my stomach has stopped hurting every time I eat, and I actually feel stronger and I get better at the workout each day, noticeably. Why on Earth did I never do this before? I can't wait to get back up to school where it's cooler and less humid so I can start my Couch to 5K program, to train for the 8K I want to run in the spring.

I hope tomorrow is as satisfying as today was, because I am pretty ecstatic just to be alive right now!

A Good Morning

I rolled over to find my alarm going off. 9 AM. I'm a sleeper. I usually sleep till 11 on weekends. At least. But I punched in the answer to my morning math problem so that I could dismiss the alarm. Every muscle had some sort of ache in it. Legs, arms, chest, back, abs. Somehow, I felt great though! I felt better rested than usual, despite waking up at a normal-person time, and I couldn't wait to get my day started.

My days are so very interesting. I went over to my computer, desk now emptied of the leftovers of junk food past, and starting browsing the Internet. Bored of that, I began playing the Sims again, when a wonderful aroma wafted up the stairs from the kitchen, through the cracks around my door, and into my nose. Coffee. Oh, how I love coffee, and not just for the caffeine. It has a supreme calming, loving effect on me, and I knew that this delightful steamy beverage would be my reward.

I stood up, strapped on my blister-inducing tennis shoes (I think I'm going to get new ones today), and worked out once again. I did better today than yesterday, my jumping jacks had a bit more jump and my butt kicks kicked a little harder.

Post workout, I headed downstairs where I was greeted by a worried looking mother. She looked at me, my hair is up, socks on, glass of cold water in hand. "Uh oh. Is it time to work out...?"

She was relieved that I already had. I'm not sure she was really up to it this morning. I got my reward coffee and a yogurt (Holy crap, Activia Light is delicious!) and rested up. I feel more energized than ever, and it's only day 2!

I have done some thinking though. I need a plan, and somehow my plans always fail, so I'm doing it a bit different this time. Problems:

1. I start off dieting, not exercising.
2. When I start to exercise, my heart really isn't into it and I am always disappointed by slow progress.
3. My diets inevitably crash and burn because I thoroughly deprive myself.
4. I binge on junk food when I think no one is watching.

I'm going to try this a different way.

1. Exercise! I have goals. I want to run an 8K in March. I know it's possible, but it will take work. I can't even run half a mile now.
2. With diet, I am just going to be aware of what goes in my mouth.
3. I'm not going to eat something that I feel my mother would frown at me for.
4. I'm going to eat around people so they watch me and see what I eat. Eating alone is largely what got me into this mess.

I'm 21, nearly 22. This should be the prime of my life, so I'm going to make it that way. In a few short weeks I return to school, move on my own again, and face a whole world of other difficulties. I need a plan.

Oh and I weighed myself for real this morning (yesterday's weight was a guess based on several months ago) and I'm actually 277.2. This is my official starting weight.

Inspiration Comes in the Strangest Ways

As I was playing The Sims 3 today, I decided that the wife of the family I've been controlling should begin working out. I forced her to exercise for about 3 hours each day to improve her Athletic skill.

Then, I looked down. Here I am, forcing some digital character to exercise, while I am sitting in my cushy computer chair, where I spend a large portion of my time. I look at my desk. It is reasonably clean, but there is a dirty ice cream bowl next to me, two empty coffee cups, and a plate that once held a juicy bratwurst. The trash can next to me is home to two empty Oreo packages (that I knocked out single handed in a couple of days), a box that previously held eight cream cheese covered brownies that I again had no help in devouring, and three empty cans of beer.

Who am I to force this poor lady into exercising?

I'm a hefty 282 pounds, and a towering (for a girl) 5' 10". It is time for a change.

I saved and quit my Sims game, strapped on my old, barely touched tennis shoes, and exercised for the first time in months. Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. I couldn't finish any of the portions of it, and the video is only 20 minutes long! It hurt, but I'm going to continue. 

It's time to lose, for real this time.